Touched by Grace

It was most unexpected, the response that I experienced. I walked into the meditation hall and was astoundingly surprised by the changes. His image was in the form of an extremely large painting. Greek Orthodox, I believe, was the origin of the image of Jesus the Christ. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Our Lady of Carmel to the left continued to fill my heart with radiant peace. The lights, the flowers, the beauty all before me at the altar was magnificent. I was in love.

Us new folks received a special introduction to the “Relic of the True Cross.” I had no idea about this relic or the fact that the Catholic faith believed in relics. It was not even on my radar. Completely clueless and ignorant. Yet, there I was in its holy presence. I trust God knows what He is doing when he brought me to the retreat, and now in the Divine Presence of this holy relic. I am deeply honored and bow to the Divine for His holy hand in my life.

I decided I would sign up for special vigil with the Relic of the True Cross. This happened on the last night of the retreat. The space was super charged and full of deeply meditative mystics. The Presence of God was palpable in the room and within. I felt deeply grounded with Him, as Him, and with Him. To see all as Him was my silent mantra. It was effortless to be in Presence. The contentment I felt was utterly soothing and calmed my whole being. I continue to hold the essence of the Presence. It is less deep as I work and engage in life’s experiences, however it is still ever part of the experience of being whole.

Similarly to Amma’s darshan, we all had the opportunity to receive the Relic. Many experienced the Presence of the Relic take their body in such a way that they needed help getting up on their feet and supported in a chair. This was a curious experience for me as I watched intently. As the darshan continued, I experienced moments of great emotion and empathy. I wept and wept. This was most interesting because I was completely unaware of what I was feeling. It was not like a typical emotional response. It resembled empathy whereby I was sensing the experiences of others as my own. One transcendental experienced profound emotion and wept out loud once touched by the Relic. She seemed inconsolable. It took over many of their body-mind experiences.

It came time when I was in the darshan line. I had my mala and wedding rings in my left hand to be blessed by the Relic. Once the jewelry touches the Relic, they are considered secondary relics. Jerry explained that the important significance in this was that upon my death, the secondary relics would need to be burned or handed down to someone else. (I am thinking of handing them down to Morgan.)I was kneeling on the thing that Catholic kneel on for prayer.After the rings were blessed and placed back into my left palm, Jerry brought the Relic in front of my eyes to give it a good look. I have never seen anything like it. It was a red cross made of metal, I think. There was a small bubbled up magnifying glass at the top, middle, bottom, and at both right and left, each containing a piece of history – the shroud Jesus wore at His crucifixion, a piece of the blood stained cross he was on, a piece of the table from the last supper, and other things. My eyes held such reverence for what they were witnessing. Jerry began to say a prayer while placing the middle part of the Relic – where the True Cross was – upon my third eye. In less than five seconds, my head was thrown back, and helpers were lifting me up and placing me onto a chair just to the right of the prayer stool. It was like a subtle jolt upon my whole being. Not my body, but my entire presence. Not more than a few seconds later, I was in hysterics crying. Totally inconsolable and it took over my whole being. While this experience was happening, I recall being witness to my experience in the most subtle way I can imagine. Several times I fell into a fit of tears and wailing. What was this? I had visions of being at Jesus of Nazareth’s crucifixion. I was a woman who fell to her knees at His feet crying out of sorrow for what had happened to Him. There was also crying out of joy for I knew, somehow, that He was Divine and this was part of His Passion; His life was God’s life and I knew that it was all okay. In between crying fits, I would fall deep into a transcendental state of being. After some time passed, I think an hour, I was still sitting there with eyes closed and deeply in the experience of Presence. My body was there but I was not entirely attached to it. I had heard things happening. Chairs were moving. People whispering. Something was changing all around me I felt. At some point, I was able to open my eyes. I noticed that I was part of the first vigil of folks who were witnessing the Relic that night. All the while, Om Jesu Christi was playing in the background. I looked up at the Relic sitting upon the altar at the bottom of the Jesus painting. I wept again. The second hour, midnight came around, and Max was in the chair beside me. Brendan was across the way, then moved to the chair on the other side of me. Each time my eyes opened and looked upon the Relic, I wept uncontrollably. Brendan put his hand of my back and gave me more tissues. I had these two angels by my side. One O’clock was coming around and I was being called to kneel in front of the Relic once again. It took a while, but my body started to move and it stood up and walked to the front of the altar. I felt completely calm and at peace. It was a deep contentment that filled my whole being. Folding my hands, I bowed in deep reverence to Jesus, the Christ. For I knew in my heart and wholeness, I was being touched by Grace. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. I was in love. I was Love. I was God loving His Son. I was God seeing Himself through this body. I had not wanted to leave the room. It was like saying goodbye to Amma at the end of Devi Bhava. “No, I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want you to leave me!” My heart was exploding with so much love. I walked with my pillow which I had on my retreat chair and stood at the back of the room staring at Jesus and the Relic. I noticed my resistance to leaving. I stood there for several minutes. Max was nearby looking upon me and giving me eyes of concern in case I needed assistance. I didn’t. I bowed to Max. I bowed over and over to Jesus. Thanking Him for what He did; for the courage He had to come here into a body knowing He would suffer terribly ending in a horrific death, all for the sake of…(my mind cannot fathom what my heart and soul know to be True)…all of humanities karma. What does that even mean?!? My mind cannot figure that out, but somehow the Truth is within. I was in AWE and deep Gratitude for Jesus’ mission. I left knowing in my heart that God was always with me, living through me. I knew that I would never be alone. I left knowing all was good and God would take care of everything. I trusted in God. God’s Grace touched me that night. God knew what He was doing sending me to that retreat. God knew it was time to awaken in my heart His Love and Grace. God is All-Powerful, All-Knowing, All-Loving. I see you. I bow to Thee. (July 2017 – StillPoint Retreat Waltham, Ma)